There Is Work

I heard a loud noise
It's 4am.
I eat, I drink.. I still can't sleep.
Lord is it you?

I try to stay focused.
I pray, I wait and I am still.
I worship, I listen.. I'm still waiting.

"There is work"
Lord? Work? Where?
"There is work"
I wait. I'm waiting

Visions appear, and I hear your heart.
I see your people, I see their chains, I see their homes
"There is work"

I will go where you ask
I will give up what needs to go
Now all that's left is to wait. I'll wait on you
The way you've waited on me.

"There is work"

Change

I'm ready for a change. I'm tired of living in Vancouver. I feel like God's almost done with me here and I need to look into new options for where He can use me. I'm tired of all of my insecurities I carry, and I'm ready to start fresh somewhere else. I realize there isn't really anything holding me back from leaving Washington and just starting somewhere new. Looking into doing a mission trip for 6mnths -1yr. I'm not allowed to start trying to have a baby again until June 2010, so I have that much time to go and serve God and refocus myself and my life. Ideal location;


Brazil. I'm really feeling kinda called

Wall 1 of my heart - fear

I think there has been a lot of confusion on exactly why I decided to host a Charity event. Actually, maybe not confusion, but a desire to forget about the loses we've all suffered this year (myself included).

I'm doing this to help heal my own heart, yes.. but I more so care about all of your hearts. A lot of us live in communities that don't talk about their miscarriages or other forms of losing children. We'd rather not relive it and that causes us to isolate ourselves and isolate those feelings that come with lose (again, myself included).

A lot of thing happened during my Molar Pregnancy and apart of me isolating myself ended with me spending one entire night into early morning seriously contemplating suicide because I felt worthless, I mean come on... my body wouldn't even make a baby, it tricked us all. That's when I stumpled upon a Truth that was later confirmed in me (about 4 weeks later to be exact)

Satan want's us to isolate ourselves. Plan and simple. It's his way of disconnected us from God and disconnecting us from a community of believers who can support us and walk along side of us.

That 4 weeks later I mentioned; God's heart hurts,cries out, and grieves with our hearts. With our hearts! That blows my mind, it will always blow my mind. We as women have had our hearts created to liken our Father's Holy Heart. Let that sink in and I guarentee a change of mind about our Creator.

That's why I'm asking you all to join me. Not for my heart, my heart is ready to share and grow and heal, but the only way we can ALL heal is if we release our fears and hurt with eachother. We can trust eachother, we've all been there. This isn't a time to grieve, but a time to allow God to heal us, together as a community of believers.

Please come heal with me because I can't wait to heal with you and I can think of someone bigger then us all who is ready to pour out His healing hand on us all


Anyone and everyone is invited to heal with me. Plenty of food, good friends and charity, you can't go wrong

Feel Better Bear

Hey there, Love.
My heart sings for you, the one who held me.. who holds me still.
I needed you to know that your presence is my everything.
Without it I'm nothing, without it I'm empty and without it I'm dead.

The kind of love that holds your tears in cupped hands.
Safety and comfort are musts for me now. They matter as much as you.
I wanted you to know that your spirit keeps me breathing.
Without it I'm nothing, without it I'm empty and without it I'm dead

Your touch exposes the deepest essence of my creation.
I long for you to know that those tender kisses (and special moments)
Keep me going in ways I never knew.
Without it I'm nothing, without it I'm empty and without it I'm dead

Hey there Love.
I hope you do know that my heart can not exist without your heart
You see dear, because of you my life has meaning, you taught me what true Love is.
Without you I'm nothing, without you I'm empty and without you I'm dead

I See Your Screams and I'll Raise You a Nightmare

It's dark here now.
I don't see where I'm going, where you are... I don't even know if you're still around.
I don't trust you.

Your hand could be stretched out reaching for my own,
And I wouldn't know weather to take it or turn away.
You're a liar.

My heart.. my very being.. calls to me to trust you
But lets face facts.
You've deceived me before and I'm certain you'll do it again.
It's in your nature to lead me on.
I can't help but follow

So who's crime is bigger?
Mine for trailing behind you hoping in things that were lost long ago?
Or yours for leading me away knowing I can't release myself from the things you offer?
I'm over it.

I'm over you, I'm over your lies and I know full well I shouldn't trust you
You tell me pretty lies and disguise the truth with the blackest of sheets
Covering everything my soul pulls me to.
The human inside of me lets you.

You're so certain you can pull me this way and that.
Thinking I have nothing to turn to except your deception and the hope of broken promises.
Well I have a news flash for you, friend.
The Holy Spirit inside of me wins.

So I'll see your screams (the ones in which you taunt me with)
And I'll raise you the nightmares I hide deep inside.
I'm over it. And I'm over you.
Because where my heart rests, there's only Truth.
And it's worlds bigger then you.